The best ways not too impress—
These are my sad, but true online dating experiences with the exception of the McDonald’s episode which I borrowed from my Mother’s single years. Most on the list did not make it past a phone conversation, and a few were award winners acquiring the honors with more than one listing. I have concluded there is a lesson to be learned and that is to retain one’s online dating sanity; you must have a very, very strong constitutional or institutional sense of humor. If nothing more online dating it is entertaining.
1) Don’t take me to Subway on the first date and then go Dutch.
2) Don’t take me price shopping for your bird’s cage swing.
3) Don’t line your vitamins on the restaurant table to take after the meal.
4) Don’t talk to me for 30 minutes about the bug you observed trying to roll over off its back.
5) Don’t talk to me for an hour about your professorial knowledge of literary authors.
6) Don’t expect me, to pick you up at the airport and go on a cruise, since I never met you.
7) Don’t refer to the “big house” as “your university” your alma mater.
8) Don’t tell me you have to call your “Pill Guy”.
9) Don’t tell me you own a construction company, but your only transportation is a bicycle.
10) Don’t disappear at the restaurant, and then twenty minutes call me later stating you had to leave for a work emergency, but you will see me on Thursday. Not!
11) Don’t try to sell me life insurance.
12) Don’t vividly proclaim “Sweetie, I am on a flight to Italy for business” but your flight itinerary states you are scheduled to be in North Carolina, where your ex-girlfriend lives. FYI, don’t leave your flight itinerary on your girls’ computer.
13) Don’t suggest our first meeting be 45 minutes from my place, but five minutes from your house at 9:00 on a cold, rainy evening.
14) Don’t promise to return a call within an hour, and then not return the call for six hours stating you had to go through your mail on a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon.
15) Don’t lie to me about being married.
16) Do not try to impress me within the first hour of conversation all the expensive fancy places you are going to take me, but suggest we meet at a hole in the wall dive.
17) Don’t take me to McDonald’s and then pick your teeth with a toothpick,
18) Don’t photo-shop your profile picture so you look like Omar Sharif, but in reality you look like leprechaun.
19) Don’t call yourself an engineer, when you don’t have degree in engineering.
20) Don’t ask me to be you driver since you lost your license.
Disclaimer: These online dating occurences are not listed in any particular order of bad to worst, you can decide which is your favorite.
Names have been omitted too protect the non-innocence.
